Fiercely Protective

So, yesterday Christopher got held up at work. When I texted a friend to let her know she replied with... and? ... Of course she thought I meant he'd be getting home late, and was wondering why I was freaking out.

No. Yesterday afternoon a man walked into the place my husband works, put a gun in his face, and robbed him.

I was stuck at home, with no car. Chris reassured me he was fine, that he'd head home as soon as he finished the police report. I could not be convinced that he was okay until he walked through the door.

Until I saw him I went back and forth between fear for his well being, and more prominently, fierce rage toward the man who dared to shove a gun in his face.

I felt absolutely helpless. Not a feeling I care for, especially when it comes to people that I love.

Maybe it was good I didn't have a car. Or any knowledge of the man's location.

And Chris, the laid back man he is, seems to be over it completely. He was shaky for a little while after, but stayed calm for the most part.

I'm resisting my urges to drag his every thought out of him, though I NEED to be sure he really is okay. But instead I simply let him know whatever the was thinking and feeling is normal, told him not to doubt himself, and that I'm here if he needs anything.

That's all I can do.

Back from the doctor... Lalala...

I feel like this is all I write about anymore.

Stupid spine.

So, I went to my pain management appointment. Turns out I have bulging and narrowing in both my cervical AND my lumbar... which makes more sense considering the pain is in my legs. We're only worried about the lumber "at the moment" because that's where the pain is currently, and you can only get injections in one area at a time.

Yup, that's right, injections. Lumbar epidural steroid injections (LESI) to be precise. The first one on September 15th. Until then vicodin and muscle relaxers.


Good news: As long as I'm mindful of it, and work on strengthening it and getting fit, etc. It shouldn't get any worse.

Bad news: It won't get "better" either. Sure, I can get to a point where it isn't as painful, but there is now way to reverse the degeneration that has already happened.

But I am happy to finally be moving forward with this. Scared of the injections, but apparently there aren't and permanent side effects to them, and they'll give me something to calm my nerves before hand.

She said that pilates and yoga are both good ideas. And that I can start going to curves again but to "take it slow" and "listen" to my body. If it hurts, don't do it.

Oh, and she said it isn't from an injury. I thought that was weird. She said it's rare that someone my age has this problem.

Gee, thanks.

Healthcare Reform...

I've read, and heard many different viewpoints on healthcare reform. I was suprised at how many differed from my own. It seemed like common sense to me, but to a lot of people I know, its "communism" or "too much government interference" or something like that.

The number of "educated" people with this view astounds me. It makes me wonder if they've ever struggled. The poor, and working class people with this view make my jaw hit the floor. Medical care and coverage seems to be the last thing on their minds. At least until something goes wrong.

My husband and I pay over $200 per month for our insurance. That doesn't count the $30 co-pays and $35 "specialist" co-pays. We actually thought of getting rid of it a few months back because I'm out of work, and the struggle to eat and keep the lights on seemed more important.

Thank goddess that didn't happen. If it did I would be up a creek right now. And if we tried to get it back we'd bump heads with the term "preexisting condition." Scary. So none of the stuff I would need insurance for (not only my spine issues, but my thyroid disease, and kidney problems) wouldn't be covered.

I count it as a small miracle we didn't give up our insurance in June, when, because of how the dates fell, we paid $300 in one month.

I read a blog about this insurance just a few minutes ago. It moved me, so I'm linking it here.

http://arielgore.com/2009/08/letter-from-old-school-hip-mama-mama.html

Enjoy.

Lots of questions...

Lacking answers. As of yet at least.

The MRI came back... "bulging" and "narrowing" in the cervical spine. I have an appointment with pain management on Wednesday. Fun, fun. I would really rather not have injections, but we'll see.

And because of this I'm having to rethink everything. Can I do the work I want to do with this issue? If not then what do I do? Is this condition going to get worse? Can I make it worse?

Tons of questions. No answers til Wednesday.

Blah Blah Blah Di Blah Blah.

For HoneyLuna...

Wishes for a speedy recovery!

And a picture from awkwardfamilyphotos.com to make you smile...




I hope you feel better soon! Glad everything went well!

Oh, yeah...

I went to the doctor yesterday. She *thinks* that we can rule out degenerative stuff based on history and test results thus far. Very good news.

I go in tomorrow for an MRI because she thinks I could have a problem with my spine. Nothing life threatening, but something that would take "long term pain management" whatever that means.

She also told me to lose weight. Duh. I knew that was coming. Hopefully I'll be able to find a job. Money helps with the whole buying nutritious foods thing.

I would've written all of this yesterday but my mother and I, or rather, my parents and I, had a... disagreement? Argument? What ever you want to call it, it put a dark cloud on what was supposed to be good news. Which is a long story that ends in me wanting out of this town and far far away from family. Surprise, surprise.

Ok, husband says if I come to bed now he'll read to me, so off I go.

And the hits keep coming...

Our plumbing is out... again. One of the pipes is leaking and now the water is off until it gets fixed.

The universe is making me her bitch.

I mean, I know that everything must go wrong, but can't just one thing work out okay? I don't have the money to get glasses, much less redo our pipes. I don't have a job, even after months of applying and interviews.

My body is against me, and I have no idea what's wrong.

I'm cramping like hell and will be bleeding by the end of the weekend.

My house is a mess (I haven't been able to do much), and my garden really needs to be weeded.

I just want to shower, put on a clean pair of jeans, and go see Harry Potter. But no water means no clean jeans and no shower, and no money means no movie.

*sigh*

If it went for bad luck I'd have none at all.